Coach – I get angry when my player does not get the playing time I think they deserve. How can I look at this differently?

It’s completely understandable to feel a strong emotional response when it comes to your child’s participation and playing time in sports. Your feelings stem from a deep care and desire for your child to succeed and enjoy their experiences. However, reframing your perspective can be beneficial not only for your emotional wellbeing but also for your child’s growth and enjoyment of the sport.

1. Focus on Development Over Playing Time: Remember, especially in middle school, the primary goal is development, not just winning or playing time. Consider the skills your child is learning, both physical and emotional, such as teamwork, perseverance, and dealing with adversity. These lessons are invaluable and often more impactful than the amount of time spent on the field.
2. Understanding the ‘Why’: As John Strelecky illustrates in ‘The Why Cafe’, understanding our ‘why’ is crucial. Ask yourself why playing time is so important to you. Is it about your child’s happiness, your own expectations, or perhaps societal pressures? Understanding this can help in addressing the root of your emotions.
3. Encourage a Growth Mindset: Drawing from the teachings of leadership authors like Blanchard and Farber, instill a growth mindset in your child. Emphasize effort, learning, and improvement over playing time. Celebrate small victories and progress, not just wins or time played.
4. Communication is Key: Encourage your child to communicate with their coach about playing time in a respectful and constructive manner. This not only teaches them advocacy skills but also helps them understand the coach’s perspective and expectations.
5. Be a Positive Role Model: Display positive energy and support regardless of the situation. Your reaction to their playing time teaches your child how to handle disappointment and challenges. Demonstrate positivity and resilience.
6. Enjoy the Journey: Remember, youth sports are about enjoyment, learning, and personal growth. Celebrate the joy of watching your child play, regardless of how long they are on the field. Their sports journey is about so much more than just playing time.
7. Team Contribution in Various Ways: Every player contributes to the team in different ways, some of which may not be as visible during game time. Acknowledge and appreciate the various roles within the team, and how your child contributes to the team’s overall spirit and success.

By shifting focus from playing time to these broader and more meaningful aspects, you can find greater satisfaction and joy in your child’s sports participation. Remember, your support and perspective play a crucial role in shaping your child’s experience and attitude towards sports and life challenges.